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01/25/2004 Entry: "Children - why?"

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January 24th.

The Saturday before finals.

When little high school students should be studying away.

But what was I doing?

Was I studying away, absorbed in books of golden-rod and blue? My textbooks called to me, but was I able to answer their call?

No, is the answer. No, and no again, again, and again.

It was, understandably, partially my fault. Who is stupid enough to sign up to take the SAT's the weekend before finals? I was, and Kristyn, too, for I saw her at Hoover High School (may the school be blown up as soon as possible so that it may rest in peace).

The damn testing rooms at Hoover High School were sorted by last name. Do you know what that means? It means I was taking the SAT in a room full of Lee's. Enough Asians to make me want to commit suicide. I should have foreseen this - I should've just shot myself.

I had a proctor who read in a monotone and rather than going by a stopwatch for the testing sections, used her own eye and the creaky school clock. This resulted in her actually giving us less than the given time. Probably still around thirty minutes or so, but I can check several questions in a minute. I was not pleased.

At any rate, I went home afterwards, and began to prepare for my grandmother's 91st birthday party. We have it at my house every year, and in recent years, the number of attendees has slacked off a bit - a few cousins, a few aunts and uncles, and my family.

Not so this year.

And thus is the reason why I am so exhausted. Cousins I didn't even know I *had* came, aunts and uncles from various regions of the universe, cousins I did know I had, and my cousin's boyfriend's parents and brother, too.

All very nice people. Including one couple who looked at my eldest sister and said, "Wow, last time we saw you, you were *this* [indicating about two feet] tall!" then they looked at me, were told that I was the *third* daughter, and said, "Wow, we... didn't know you had been born!"

But the most stressful part of the evening? Not the cooking, not the doing of dishes in formal wear, oh no.

It was the children.

I am the youngest cousin on this side of the family. I have second cousins, but due to a variety of family soap operas and circumstances, I haven't seen them very often.

My god. There was a flood of them.

Looking back, I think that there were three ten year oldish boys, one four year old boy, one five year old girl, and one two year old girl. Which isn't that many.

But of course, I was sent to make sure that they didn't destroy the house.

I am SO GLAD that I never had any brothers. I think I remember a lot less about my childhood than I thought I did, because I don't remember my male peers acting quite like that. (Well, then again, the males I talked to were Vache, Spencer, and Victor, and I'm not sure they were normal children. :P)

To keep the three boys from destroying the downstairs, I said, "If you three want, how about I bring down my Nintendo?"

Not only did they start howling in - glee, I think - they promptly started fighting each other in order to be the first up the stairs.

I ended up just taking them to my room and watching them pounce. ;_; My poor, poor Nintendo. The 64 and the Gamecube took a beating last night.

Please, note the irony: their names are David, Michael, and Solomon. Please also note that they did not share the sober characteristics of their namesakes. Although Solomon is very wise - he tried to convince me that since I was a sixteen year old female, I was far too old for Nintendo, and that I should give all my games and consoles to him.

I have an eleven year old con artist cousin. Joy.

Solomon did tell me that he had always thought that girls had neat rooms, and that mine was really messy. (Thank you very much, I had cleaned it that day.) They also incorrectly assumed that since I was a pitiful female, my skills at video games were far, far less than theirs. They repeated this, ad nauseum, until I played a round of Smash Brothers against David (who was the best of the three). When he [inevitably] lost, Michael chanted, "You lost to a girrrl, you lost to a girrrl." To which David snapped back, "Shuddup, you couldn't beat her either!"

Ah, victory. For the record, I was much better at video games when I was their age. So much for being female.

Michael also was convinced that he wasn't related to me (though his father is my first cousin). When he found out he was, there was a brief moment of disappointment, whereupon he gleefully added, "You're my uuuuuuuuuuugly cousin!"

Now, I never had any brothers. I had sisters, and with girls, when you're below the age of ten and you fight with each other, it's not for fun. It involves slapping, hair pulling, and lots of screeching.

They kept body slamming each other. For FUN. I'm assuming this is a guy thing (like when Davey threw Andrew and broke his arm). They also enjoyed punching each other, chasing each other around, and torturing their siblings. (The little boy came to me, bawling hysterically, to make his brother go away.)

When they were outside with my dog, Solomon asked if the dog was Happy (the name of my old dog). When I said no, she had died, Michael looked at me smugly and said, "Let me guess: she got out of the gate, ran into the street, and got hit by a car and died." When I said no, she died of a stroke, Michael looked almost disappointed.

There were also the three younger children who kept taking various items from my room (I have no idea why) and placing them in odd locations around the house. My manga somehow ended up in my sister's room, a candle stand on the top of the stairs, four of my old and battered stuffed animals in the bathroom, a cup of water placed *right* in the center of the stairs, a shrimp tail on the carpet, and the candle Tanya gave me for Christmas thrown on my bed. ?_?

One cute moment of the evening: when my father picked up the two year old girl, she started bawling (I think he scared her). She reached for me, and when I took her, she stopped crying. Aww. After awhile, she started saying, "Mum! Mum!" I think she was asking for her mother. ^^; Such a darling. The four year old boy kept talking to me about video games (he posed as Link using the bow and arrow from Smash O.O). I wiped ice cream off his face. I felt so old. Even older when I made them all wash their hands before they ate dinner.

To end the enchanted evening, the three stooges asked me what the "worstest cuss words" were. No, I did not tell them, even when Solomon whispered, "Is it the F-word?" Mike then whispered a story about this fourth grader he knew who had looked "it" up on the internet and heard about a girl licking a guy's (p---whisperwhisper), whereupon all three of them screamed, "EWWWWWWWWWWWW." They wanted to ask ME if it was true. I said I had no idea and that they should never repeat that in front of another girl. (No point in telling them not to talk about it themselves, they'd never listen.)

Thus ends the disjointed summary of my evening last night. I will be eating leftovers for days. (Although eating fried shrimp is not exactly the "worsetest" of fates.) And as long as I never, ever, ever have to take those three boys to an amusement park, I will remember this evening with a touch of fondness. Now, back to studying.